Title: The Loon The Crazy Rich Davenports (The CRD Posse, Book #3)
Author: Kelly Moore & Shannyn Leah
Genre: Women’s Urban Humor Fiction
About the Davenports : “Once again, Yaya’s antics are totally over the top. She has a big heart, means well, but it always comes out looking like something different. Well, unless it’s something kinky, the it looks exactly like what it is!.” ~Reviewer
“As I was telling a friend the other day, this series is the perfect antidote for anyone who feels that they keep reading the same thing over and over. “ ~Reviewer
“You still don’t want to eat or drink anything while reading. Try not to cry while they have a family meeting. Hold on tight for this wild rollercoaster ride.“ ~Reviewer
Making DysFUNctional Proud!
Chaos continues in The Loon, aka Yaya. Her crazy antics land her in jail beside the man she blackmailed. The cops can’t wait to set her crazy ass free. When she gets home and finds out Lucy is in even more trouble, her not so natural motherly instinct kicks in and she sets out on a comical mission with Tommy and Pops. Hold on for the ride and learn more dark secrets of the Davenports.
Warning: If you are looking for a sweet, sensitive book with a happily ever after, this isn’t it. It is a totally inappropriate book about a completely dysfunctional family. The F word flies free along with many other curse words. Feel free to get drunk (because the Davenports sure are!) while you’re reading it, and prepare to wet yourself laughing. If sex scenes are not your thing, this book might not be your thing. But, if you have a crazy sense of humor and like raunchy comedies - you’re in the right place. Join in on the craziness of The Crazy Rich Davenport Family.
BONUS EXCERPT :
“TOMMY, ABSOLUTELY NO drinking,” I say, carrying two material bags in each of my hands as the three of us walk to the sliding doors. “We all know how you get when you’re drunk.”
“Yaya, you know we don’t drink … anymore.”
Maxwell steps back like the gentleman he is and lets us walk through first.
“You’re running late today, Mrs. Miller.” Mabel smiles at me. “Everyone’s in the garden waiting for your—smoothies.” She winks at me, knowing damn well those smoothies are laced with alcohol.
I hold up the bag with bananas peeking out the top. “Perfect day for smoothies.” I stop by her desk. “I’ll make sure to have Tommy here bring you your special order ASAP.”
“Make it a double,” Mabel says. “It’s been that kind of morning.”
On our way to the garden, my husband wraps an arm around my waist and pinches my side. “You even have the front desk on your side.” He kisses the side of my head. “That’s my girl.”
He has no idea.
We are late, but that didn’t keep the event planner from setting up my tropical-themed bar under the gazebo. Tropical grass lines the bar front and canopy above with hibiscus flower garland draped.
I start setting up my supplies behind the bar counter.
Blue bottle for brandy.
Red bottle for rum.
Violet bottle for vodka.
White bottle for whiskey.
I smile. Today’s going to be a frisky day at the retirement home.
I’m all set up, and the lineup is already beginning. We’re just missing one thing. There’s tranquil music coming from the speakers, and I turn to the boom box behind me. “Who’s ready for Mixer Monday?” I shout, and the elderly crowd wildly shouts like underage drinkers getting their first taste.
“Yeah!” I set my iPod, which I had Erik fill with rock and roll music, in the boom box slot and smile as guitars, drums, and husky lyrics vibrate around the gazebo.
I raise my hands in the air to commence Mixer Monday. “Drinks twenty dollars a shot!” I start on Mabel’s drink, making sure to give her a double shot.
Max elbows me. “You’re ripping them off,” he whispers in my ear.
“I’m giving them a service. I don’t work for free.” I look at my lengthening lineup. My husband’s the only one complaining. What will these folks do with their cash once they die? Give it to the fucking bratty children who put them in this hole. They might as well line my pockets. I give them more than anyone.
“Twenty bucks. Who’s first?”
Old man Albert shoves his way in front of everyone. “Here’s forty.” He slaps two bills on the counter. “Make it a double, sweetheart.”
I take the cash and slip it into my bosom. “Who are you kidding with sweetheart? I’m the devil in disguise.”
Albert leans forward. “Sweetheart, it ain’t a disguise.”
I laugh and pass Mabel’s drink to Tommy. “Here, take this straight to Mabel at the front counter. And then get back here to help. We have a full house today.”
Tommy takes the drink, with what looks like a snarl. “What kind of bullshit mission is this? I should have stayed home. At least there I’d be zombie hunting.”
“Are you pouting?”
“No.” He pouts.
I shake my head. “Hurry, and if you get me some new clientele on the way back, I’ll give you a copy of Roxy and Vinny’s sex tape when we get back home.”
His eyes light up. “New clientele. On it.”
I hold the drink out. “First, Mabel’s drink.”
“Right. I’m on it.”
I finish Albert’s drink, and off he goes ready for a fuzzy day in the sun.
“Next!”
“Who you got helpin’ you today?” Ida asks, batting her white, fake eyelashes at my husband. She’s quite the looker, I’ll give her that. Silver hair flaring at the bottom and always wearing a thick coat of makeup. Her clothes are skimpy. Like today’s crochet blouse that she forgot to put a shirt underneath, showing off her blue bra.
“Hands off, Ida. This one belongs to me. What’s your poison today?” My husband’s already peeled bananas and added coconut water to the blender. Handy man he is. I tuck that idea away to use for the bedroom tonight.
“A little bit of you, and a whole lot of him.” She drops twenty bucks on the counter. “Drink to start, and you two meet me in the movie room for dessert.”
I laugh. “It’s surprise Mixer Monday for you.” I add whiskey and turn in the blender. “See you in an hour,” I say, handing her the drink. She blows a kiss at my husband. Poor lady. I can’t stand her, and I wonder how long she’ll be waiting before she realizes we aren’t joining her.
“Next!”
“Are you serious about meeting her?” Max asks me.
I should send Tommy to give Ida a memory she won’t forget.
I look at my husband. “Do you want me to be serious?”
The way he blushes tells me that my old man is getting more adventurous in his old age.
BINGE READ THE DAVENPORTS (The CRD Posse):
Dare to Enter, Book #1: New Release (Pilot)
Hot Mess, Book #2: Release Sept 4th (Lucy)
The Loon, Book #3: Release Sept 18th (Yaya)
F%#king Screwed, Book #4: Release Oct 2nd (Ford)
Don’t Wake the Dead, Book #5: Release Oct. 16th (Gemma)
Then There Were Four, Book #6: Release Oct. 30th (Daisy/Slutty Pepper/Tommy)
Get your copy of THE LOON today:
➜KINDLE: https://goo.gl/R7NhHy
➜KOBO: https://goo.gl/H8xBPR
➜NOOK: https://goo.gl/tpL5na
➜iBOOKS: https://goo.gl/7xspM2
About Kellly Moore
Kelly writes so the characters inside her head can come to life. She writes sexy, steamy, suspenseful romance stories, laced with a touch of humor.
Her true addictions include traveling, exploring old books stores for treasures, laughing with friends and family, eating mint Oreo ice cream, and spoiling her grandchildren rotten.
She’s a critical care nurse by day and an author by night. Writing settles her mind and spirit, plus she gets to spend her days in her pajamas and sipping on Dutch Bros coffee.
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About Shannyn Leah
Contemporary romance author Shannyn Leah loves olives, lip gloss and reading (and writing) romance novels. Her love of words started at an early age and soon grew until, during her teenage years, she’d started writing her own novels. When her mom pushed to finally publish some of the stories, she quickly amassed two complete romance series (By The Lake and Caliendo Resort series) and, in 2016, released her first Fantasy Romance entitled The Gatekeepers (Part One of the Winters Rising series).
When she’s not writing contemporary romance books into the early hours of the morning, Shannyn can be found antiquing with her two favorite people, her momma and sister, in their picturesque London, Ontario hometown.
Shannyn would love to get to know her readers as you get to know her (just don’t send her any carrots!)
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